Stupid Idea? Love.

So, tonight, I did something stupid. I added my brother to my facebook. Except he doesn't know it's me because I used my old account with my fake name. (Well, if he reads this, he knows now..) I only added him really because I can never remember if his birthday is on the 17th 18th or 19th. I was pretty sure it was the 18th, but to be sure, I added him. As I 'stalked' him a little tonight, I happened upon pictures of my nieces, who I'm not allowed to talk to. I was hurting already from the stupidness of not being allowed to communicate with them, and looking at their pictures sure as hell didn't help my pain any. In fact, it only made it hurt worse. I want so badly to resolve things between my brother and I (I'm not ready to make nice with Cindy yet..) so I can talk to my nieces, but I'm still so mad at him. I get soo frustrated when I remember what he told me and what he did to me, but when I look at Madison and Amanda, I want to get to know them, and the strength of my love for them overcomes the anger I feel towards my brother. I'm lost for what I should do. I know the Bible says to forgive, and I have, but I just haven't told him that yet. If only there were some way I could talk to my girls without their parents knowing, even if it were just long enough to tell them how much their Grampie and I love them, no matter what their parents say. Because if Cindy had her way, the girls would hate me. The thought of that crushes my soul. I don't know what I would do if the girls hated me, its hard enough to know that they are being told that I hate them and that there is nothing I can do about it.
I just need them to know how much I love them, and that no matter what, I always will.

FIRST LETTER! :D

Today I received my first letter from my sponsored child, Joel. I was sooo excited i ripped the envelope open right there at the mailbox! :P It was a simple little letter, not long, but it was said with love. (he's six. he cant write yet :P so he dictates his letters) and at the end was a cute little drawing. Of what, I'm not sure, but it was cute just the same because it was drawn specifically for me :D
No word of a lie, when I read the words he said to me, my heart swelled up at least a dozen times its size.

I am very happy to be sponsored! Thanks for choosing me. I am very well, my family too. My dad is called Jeremie, he is a farmer. My mother is called Madeline she is a housewife. I have two big sisters called Marceline and Celine. I do not have the age to go to school yet. I often help my dad to take care of the poultry. What is your job? Are you married? Please pray for my parents and also for my big sister Celine's school. May God Bless you!
Bye!

like I said, short. But pretty danged adorable. :) I look forward to building a relationship with this adorable little boy and hearing from him as he grows. And hopefully (fingers crossed) being able to correspond with him with out a translator (meaning I have to actually learn french :P)

Just thought I'd share with the world :) goodnight and God Bless :)

Opening Up

Alright, I'm opening my blog to the public, finally. After over a year of me not-so-faithfully writing in it, I'm going to share my inner thoughts (lol!) with the general public haha. I should have lots to blog about tonight, depends on how long I feel like typing for though haha.
So, without further adieu, I'll get started on my blog for tonight.
First off, I started to sponsor a little boy from Burkina Faso named Joel Nakoulma. He is six years old and I'm very excited to start my relationship with him and to learn about him and know him as he grows physically, mentally, and in his faith.
Next, I have been searching, for some time now, for a cozy little house for me to move into and call my own. I found one tonight. Showed it to my parents who said they would take a look this week. I was pumped. On cloud 9. Thrilled. And just about everything in the book. Till they said they would give Gaynelle a call. Gaynelle, being my cousin. I was like "um. wtf do you need to call her for?" to which they replied, she wants to rent from us. I was LIVID, and promptly flipped out at them. "So, I've been wasting my time, looking for a house for SOMEONE ELSE to live in? You've GOT to be joking." They weren't. Countless nights I have laid in bed, searching for a house that was close by and cheap and well, perfect for me. And all this time I've really been looking for Gaynelle. Not impressed.
Third, I called out John's girlfriend Cindy, about their little "joke" they played on me. She meant every word she said. So I said, great, well, have a good life, bitch. Then I messaged my brother, and informed him that I had had my heart broken one too many times by him, and I would no longer be dealing with the bullshit he pours out at me, and until further notice, I am an only child. *Please submit all applications to be my new big brother to my facebook account :) Rules are as follows: you must not break my heart, you must not say nasty things about my family, you must act like a big brother and not like a 24/7 asshole.*
Fourth, I am planning on breeding my rabbit, Thumper this summer and I am a) looking for a suitable buck to breed her with, and b) looking to see how many people would possibly be interested in a bunny :) Thumper may possibly be up for sale after the breeding and birth as I am looking for a tamer pet who allows me to handle it. ( I need a cuddle buddy)

One Cruel Joke

So, for the last two months-ish, my brother and his girlfriend have been playing one horribly cruel joke on me, and I felt I had to blog about it to "get it off my chest" per say. Around November 22nd ish, John's girlfriend, Cindy, messaged me bitching about me consoling what I believed to be my brother's broken heart. He was upset (or so I thought) and had said she was gay, and Cindy thought that I believed she was. So she decided I wouldn't be allowed to be a part of the twin's lives anymore (the twins being my nieces.) and nor could my father, and she proceeded to speak cruel words about my father. I replied and tried to be gentle in my words, in hopes that whatever I had said or done to vex her would be forgiven. It didn't happen. We fought for a few days, her with nasty words, me with gentle words and ending with God Bless you, trying to soften her heart a little. Eventually I became angry and vexed at her myself and threatened to make sure all dad's friends could see the words she had written about him, and had their chance to say cruel things about her. I never followed through with my threat because I didn't want to become like her. She then blocked me, from her profile as well as her childrens accounts, which made me heartbroken to know that I couldn't talk to my nieces whenever I chose.
I continued to talk to my brother through this, and we had our fights, and on Wednesday, he deleted me as a friend on facebook, after I confronted him about his relationship status as being "It's complicated" and he responded with he was only looking for sex. When I growled at him for deleting me, he told me to relax, that this whole thing was just a joke, and that he and Cindy were just peachy.
That hurt me deep. I couldn't, and still can't, understand why someone would do that, and how they found that process funny, when I had to suffer so badly.
Tonight I confronted my brother about the matter, but he has yet to respond. TOmorrow I will go after Cindy, as I feel I deserve and explanation for all this nonsense.

thumper

I bought a bunny tonight. Her name is Thumper, she's a four month old dwarf cross, and she's some cute. But I'm not allowed to have her. Why? I don't know. I don't deserve a reason I guess because nobody would give me one. Not a real one anyways. "We're not allowed farm animals" -She's a rabbit for crying out loud! Not a horse! "The neighbors might complain" -over a fucking caged rabbit? They *really have issues if they complain over a rabbit who is in a cage, not in their gardens. "You cant take care of a pet! Look at your fish!" -the water is clean. the fish are fed, and obviously healthy.
I don't understand what the deal is over a dwarf rabbit. I didn't even get a shot at proving myself to them. All they care about is the fact that there are a couple clothes on the floor, and that i don't have my license yet. Every day it's the same thing. "Get your license. Get your license." its like a damned broken record that i can't turn off.
I love the fact that i am not mature and responsible enough to take care of a rabbit, but they want to get me a house. Because that's soo much easier to take care of than a rabbit. Ugh! I just want to cry somedays. It hurts my head.

Tuesdays With Morrie

I promise one of these days I will start blogging regularly. lol, I'm just not sure when that day willl be haha!
THis week I got my hands on the book "Tuesdays With Morrie" and all I can say is "wow!" It is an amazing book. SO beautifully written. Morrie shares some amazing words within the covers of this book. No other book has touched me so deeply as Tuesdays with Morrie did. I reccomend this book to anyone who wants a touching read, or just a good read in general. Never has a book made me think so much about life, and the future. I read other reviews on the book and noticed many people had to read the book in school, and I am very dissappointed I was not one of those people. If anybody would like to borrow Tuesdays with Morrie from me, let me know, I'll be happy to lend it to you.

Long Time No Blog

So it's been a long time since I've blogged lol Whoops. A lot has happened in my life in between blogs.
For starters, Kelsey kicked me out of the apartment June 1st because I was downtown with the rent instead of at the apartment and she wouldn't come get it. So I am now living back in New Brunswick with my parents, for the time being, anyway. I want so badly to be back on the Island with my friends. I miss them. My heart yearns to live there again, but for at least a year I am stuck here, saving my money so I can get my OWN place. Without a room-mate to kick me out. Now I am working on getting my damage deposit money back out of Kelsey, but she is being quite the bitch. Our numbers have been blocked so we can't call them, and I have been unsuccessful in getting ahold of either her or her mother at work. But I willwill get my money back out of her. But for the grace of God I will get it back. I will NOT let her tramp all over me any longer.
Now I am working in Walmart in Woodstock. I love my job, I really do, so I am going to try to hold on to this one haha then when I want to move back to PEI, I can just get a transfer to Charlottetown so I can live there, and have a job already :) sounds like a plan. One I hope will work out!
But with all the negativity that came from being kicked out, and struggling to get my money back, I still feel blessed. I still have my friends. I'm still blessed with a wonderful bunch of friends who still love me for who I am. This makes me very happy. But I miss them so, and can not wait to return to them.